Written as an assignment for my 300 Hour Yoga Teacher Training @ Del Sol Yoga, September 17, 2018
Over the course of my short time on this Earth I have taken on many persona, worn many hats, incarnated into different professions, borne many burdens, and hidden behind many guises. I might rightly associate who I am with any of these masks. But in simplistic terms, my understanding of who I am now can be summed up in the same way as I would describe all of humanity. Through the understanding of the collective consciousness, we are all one, and thus “I am a drop of Divine Consciousness embodied in physical form abiding in time and space until the tangible vessel of my body expires.” A wave of love, light, and potential energy rippling through the ocean of life.
Over the course of my short time on this Earth I have taken on many persona, worn many hats, incarnated into different professions, borne many burdens, and hidden behind many guises. I might rightly associate who I am with any of these masks. But in simplistic terms, my understanding of who I am now can be summed up in the same way as I would describe all of humanity. Through the understanding of the collective consciousness, we are all one, and thus “I am a drop of Divine Consciousness embodied in physical form abiding in time and space until the tangible vessel of my body expires.” A wave of love, light, and potential energy rippling through the ocean of life.
I could cling to a story, to my past, to the “motherless daughter,” to “the rock” my father might describe, “the strong sister” my brothers call upon, “the gypsy” my extended family sees, “the free spirit” my friends love, or “the independent entrepreneur, yogi, and wellness advocate” portrayed on social media. And to a certain extent, I embody all these characters. But truly I have the freedom to continually reincarnate, redefine, connect ever more deeply to my Divine Infinite nature, and disconnect from the story. In doing so, I can liberate my being from the constraints of who people say I am or who I might limit myself to be.
As a child, I was mommy’s little girl, shy, quiet, and sensitive. When my mother committed suicide I vividly remember the day I went back to high school just three days later, deciding I would not “be one of those kids who loses it or goes off the deep end due to a hardship.” I decided I would rise above it, make her proud, and continue to live the life she never got to experience fully. It was at that point my life drastically started to change, albeit with many detours, falls and challenges. At 14 years old, I didn’t realize the power and magnitude of that decision, but it definitely shifted the course of my life. Looking back it was the day I started to claim and own my innate power to heal, to question, to connect, and live the yoga (even though I'd never even taken a yoga class at the time). I might guess that unconsciously, it was Spirit or my true soul nature stepping in at a time when my family and I needed it most. There is very little I remember from that time, but that moment is still so vivid.
As a child, I was mommy’s little girl, shy, quiet, and sensitive. When my mother committed suicide I vividly remember the day I went back to high school just three days later, deciding I would not “be one of those kids who loses it or goes off the deep end due to a hardship.” I decided I would rise above it, make her proud, and continue to live the life she never got to experience fully. It was at that point my life drastically started to change, albeit with many detours, falls and challenges. At 14 years old, I didn’t realize the power and magnitude of that decision, but it definitely shifted the course of my life. Looking back it was the day I started to claim and own my innate power to heal, to question, to connect, and live the yoga (even though I'd never even taken a yoga class at the time). I might guess that unconsciously, it was Spirit or my true soul nature stepping in at a time when my family and I needed it most. There is very little I remember from that time, but that moment is still so vivid.
I believe I came into this life to be Love, to do the work of transmuting and transforming my story into one that might inspire others so that I may be of service to the greater good of all. Through all the trials and heartbreaks the main thing I have learned is to value and love myself just as I am without attachment to another person, job, relationship, social status, or income. To not let these things define me or restrain me has been a challenge and a constant lesson in just being, not doing. To know my worth, so that I may continually show up first for myself and then for others and hold space as a teacher, healer, and friend is my gift and ultimate privilege. With the understanding that it’s not me doing the real work - it is the Divine which lives within and connects us all. And when we allow that light to shine through us we can change the world.
Ram Dass summed it up perfectly. "You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success – none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here."
I am love.
Ram Dass summed it up perfectly. "You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success – none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here."
I am love.
All photos by Hank + Tank Photography
